Alright, alright, settle down now, you young’uns. Let’s talk about somethin’ the magazines like to yap about – them good-lookin’ football fellas. You know, the ones the girls all swoon over. They call ‘em the sexiest football players, or some such nonsense. Now, I don’t know much about fancy words, but I know a handsome fella when I see one, just like my old Bessie knew a good bale of hay.
This year, 2023, seems like there’s a whole heap of ‘em. Heard tell of this Jimmy Garoppolo fella. Plays quarterback, they say. Folks reckon he’s the top dog, the number one heartthrob. Can’t say I’ve seen him play much, but I guess if the young ladies are happy, then good for him. He plays for somethin’ called the Las Vegas Raiders now. Sounds like a den of sin, if you ask me, but that’s none of my business.
Then there’s a whole bunch of others. Big fellas, small fellas, all shapes and sizes, just like the chickens in my coop. They say some of ‘em are white, some black, some in between. Don’t matter to me, long as they play a good game and don’t cause too much trouble.
Heard tell of two brothers, Travis and Jason Kelce. One of ‘em plays for the Kansas City Chiefs, the other for the Philadelphia Eagles. Big strong boys, they are. Apparently, this Travis fella is courtin’ that singer girl, Taylor Swift. Now, she’s a pretty little thing, but I reckon she’d be better off with a nice farm boy, not some fancy football player. But hey, young folks will be young folks, can’t tell ‘em nothin’. And they play some kinda position called “tight end,” which sounds kinda uncomfortable if you ask me, hope they’re alright after the game.
- Jimmy Garoppolo: Quarterback for the Las Vegas Raiders, they say he’s real popular with the ladies.
- Travis Kelce: Plays tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. Good-lookin’ fella, but I still think a farmer would be a better catch.
- Jason Kelce: The brother of Travis, plays for Philadelphia Eagles, heard hes just as dreamy.
Now, some fella named Butker, they say he’s the third “sexiest” or whatever. Don’t know what that means, but they gave him a score, a 64.59 out of 100. Sounds like a test score to me. Hope he passed all his other tests too, education’s important, you know.
They call these fellas eye candy, like they’re some kinda sweet treat. Well, I’d rather have a good piece of apple pie myself, but to each their own, I guess. And some say dont expect no “Idris Elba clone” on the field, whoever this Idris is must be someone really handsome huh? Seems the magazine people get all worked up over these fellas, put ‘em in magazines and such. Call ‘em the “hottest” players. Hot enough to boil water, I reckon. And dont forget this all aint just for looks, mind you, they gotta be good at football too! These fellas gotta be skilled with the “pigskin” as they call it, whatever that means.
This “National Football League” or “NFL” thing, it’s a whole different world from what I know. But I reckon it’s just like anything else, some folks are good at it, and some folks are just pretty to look at. And sometimes, you get both. It’s just like my prize-winning rooster, Big Red – he was the prettiest fella in the coop, and he could crow louder than any other rooster around.
So there you have it, a little somethin’ about these “sexiest” football players of 2023. They’re big, they’re strong, they’re good-lookin’, and they can play a mean game of football. But at the end of the day, they’re just fellas, same as anyone else. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like me and you. And I still say a good day’s work on the farm is more impressive than any fancy football game, but that’s just me.
Tags: [sexiest football players, NFL, Jimmy Garoppolo, Travis Kelce, Jason Kelce, Las Vegas Raiders, Kansas City Chiefs, Philadelphia Eagles, hottest football players, 2023]
